So I'm still here. Sometimes not really sure if that's good or bad.
I grew up being *very* independent. Never asked for help for anything really.
I'm educated to the hilt with calculus, physics, electronics, chemistry, nuclear reactor construction, operation, maintenance... the list goes on. My own hobbies are reading, electronics, computers... Yup, super geeky girl.
I once asked my mom to help me phrase a letter to a lawyer a few years back... mom got a funny look on her face and asked who I was... since the Loni she knew never did that. Didn't realize it was THAT strange for me to ask for something.
Several friends have recently helped me to survive this period, one has taken me to the clinics for meds and checkup/appointments... another bought kitty litter and kitten food for the little rascal who lives with me... and another helped with some bills.
I only asked the one person for help getting kitty litter... he and his girlfriend even got me some chips and a hot sandwich that afternoon too.
The others... I didn't ask. They just showed up. I suppose you never really know who your real friends are. Ever seen that email that goes around with the 'good friends' vs 'real friends'... ? That's what it's like with some of them.
A good friend will bail you out of jail.
----- A real friend will be sitting next you to in jail,
going "Oops! But that was fun!"
A good friend will never ask for food.
----- A real friend is the reason you have no food
A good friend wonders about your romantic history.
----- A real friend could blackmail you with it.
... and so on... search the web for more.
Sometimes I forget I have 'real' friends... been alone for so long, and moved so many times, it's hard to keep up and stay in touch. I've now lived here in this apartment for over 5 years. Which is the *longest* I have *ever* had the same address.
By last count (with mom's help), I've moved 35 times. 35 Addresses... I dread those application forms... please list your address(es) over the last 5 years... Thankfully, I've been HERE for the last 5... but those forms sucked!
Taking my meds... they upped my anti-depressants, helping to regulate my sleep better... used to be on a 30/12 kind of schedule, 30 up, 12 asleep... it's almost 18/6 lately... so that's a good thing.
Been helping people on the opensuse forums. Keep feeling guilty when I go off on a person. (hopefully) only done it twice now... but wow. I'm no guru..
I'm just me. A part wants to say "stupid ol' Loni"... but I'm not supposed to use words like that anymore. So the internal censor allows... "Loni"... since I'm not that old, and the official word is that I'm very far from stupid. {Sigh}. Stupid Censor in my head!
Been getting good feedback from some people on the forums too... guess i'm helping. Never know sometimes. I guess when they don't post again, then it's fixed, right? Or they just got fed up and decided not to return. {Shrug} Dunno.
Still want to curl up and hide some days. Still crying inside.
Dunno...